Dollond and Aitchison - Congratulations, You've Got the Job!
*special thanks to jay strange for this gem
Sometime back in the 1970s, if you were hired to be a receptionist at Dollond and Aitchison, a UK (United Kingdom) chain specializing in eye glasses and eye tests, you were given this record to listen to as your orientation to working for this company. A male narrator is your guide throughout this record which may or may not be interesting since you were most likely a young female if you had the job of receptionist back then. This narrator explains how customer service is done in the company and a little bit about the company's background. Several work situations are played out depicting examples of what not to do and how to correctly handle the situation.
I was told by jay that companies in the UK often made orientation records although most of them were 7 inches and very few 12-inch records were produced by companies. This is one of those 12-inch records. These records were made apparently before everybody could afford the technology to produce orientation videos which is the norm now.
The founding of Dollond and Aitchison dates all the way back to 1750(!) as a company founded by Peter Dollond as Dollond & Co. In 1927, Dollond & Co. merged with Aitchison & Co. which was founded by James Aitchison in 1889. In 2009, Boots Opticians merged with Dollond and Aitchison which Boots bought a controlling share in D&A. D&A/Boots are one of the four big companies that have around a 70% share in the eyeglasses and contact lenses market in the UK.
If it's cool to have vinyl now at least according to the hipsters, it would be cool if some enterprise produced an orientation to working on vinyl. That would send a message that the company is cool meaning the cool kids want to work there and/or buy its products and services. If I owned a company, that's what I would do. Forget the orientation video on DVD and VHS. Since I have been wearing glasses since childhood, of course, I would choose to own an optical company. (Now you can tell how this record resonates with me.) I know something about the glasses market and I am a customer of optical stores so I know the mindset of the customer base. Anyway, I think I need all the help I can get attracting the cool kids (to increase market share) since I am uncool and unhip. I bet this record once stodgy years ago is now cool.
Tracklisting:
Side 1
1. Congratulations, You've Got the Job! {13:44}
Side 2
1. Congratulations, You've Got the Job! continued {13:13}
Gertrude Behanna - God Isn't Dead
released on LP
In the area where I live, a copy of this recording can often be found in thrift stores. I almost see as many copies of this as Barbara Streisand, Mantovani, or those Firestone Christmas albums (all guaranteed to make one's thrift store browsing experiences depressing). The copies of God Isn't Dead are usually beat-up or worn. I wasn't sure if I really wanted this anyway.
Earlier in the year at the annual library sale, I spotted a copy in very good condition and finally gave in. I bought a copy. The cover was in very good condition, however the condition of the LP itself was only in good condition.
Gertrude Behanna was among the small percentage of humans in the world who was wealthy because she was fortunate to be born to wealthy parents. That does not mean she was happy throughout her life of glamour, not having to do any actual work, and having a near unlimited amount of money to spend. She lived a life of misery. She was an alcoholic and drug addict who had three marriages that were disastrous. Something tells me her misery was mostly caused by Gertrude herself although her family situation was not exactly wonderful. At one point in her life, Gertrude was not feeling well physically and mentally. Her physician recommended that Gertrude seek psychiatric help. Instead, Gertrude decided to seek out Jesus.
Apparently, it worked out for her according to the liner notes: At age 53 she discovered that God was not dead ... that through the miracle of Christ's divine love and power ... drugs, liquor and despair itself could be conquered. Her health regained, she has spent the past 15 years touring the country, telling her story, giving hope and encouragement to thousands in all walks of life.Gertrude wrote an autobiography, The Late Liz, that was supposedly a best-seller plus she recorded this record of confessions and testimony.
Tracklisting:
Side 1
1. God Isn't Dead {29:18}
Side 2
1. God Isn't Dead continued {29:33}
Henry Blythe - Stop Smoking*special thanks to jay strange for this
Yes, this is another "stop smoking" or "quit smoking" album. If the other ones didn't work, perhaps this one will. Henry Blythe is a hypnotist whose method is to, of course, hypnotize you into a state where you're supposed to be suggestive to Henry's words stating that you will quit smoking. (I couldn't find anything on Henry Blythe, BTW.) Henry uses a (metaphorical) tool called a hypnotic sponge to cleanse your thoughts of desires of wanting to smoke filthy cigarettes. Will the hypnotic sponge cure you smokers? At near the end of Side 1 "Stop Smoking", Henry brings the listeners out of their hypnotic state. Henry claps but it is inaudible. However, he raises his voice when counting to five and goes into a more frantic pace which I suppose he seems to try to make up for the inaudible clap. Not sure if people came out of their hypnotic states though. ;) Side 2 "How to Relax" is I am sure self-explanatory.
What makes this album better is that Henry wants you to show his picture while you are playing his record. The liner notes explain:
Place the portrait of Henry Blythe on the front of this sleeve on a table or mantle shelf and sit in an easy relaxed position facing the portrait whilst the record is being played.
Choose a room for this Hypnotic Treatment where you are not likely to be Disturbed. Follow Henry Blythe's spoken instructions very intently and BELIEVE that he is actually in the room with you, that it is not merely a photographic face and a recorded voice - but that he is in the room with you in SPIRIT - a BLYTHE spirit.
You will be astonished at the results.
Play this record EVERY day for FOUR days and treat very seriously this genuine effort to STOP YOU SMOKING. I think that is an awesome idea. Why don't more people tell their listeners or readers to place their picture while listening or reading? I am printing out copies of Henry's portrait. I want to hang it on my wall. I can have the spirit of Henry with me most of the time. I may even print out a small copy of Henry's portrait to carry around in my wallet so I can have Henry with me all the time. If you didn't know Henry was a hypnotist, one could guess that he is a distinguished gentleman. He looks like he could be a Nobel-prize winning scientist or an acclaimed author of some brilliant novel or some sort of intellectual. You can put a picture of him on your wall and impress people by telling them what I said in the last sentence. They'll be impressed and yet no one will really know. I think Henry was aspiring to be idolized and maybe now he'll get his wish.
This post includes bonus material. The track is a collaboration between jay strange and The Bevis Frond (calling themselves The Bizaardvarks) named "The Hypnotic Sponge". It is a psych/stoner piece sampling Henry Blythe. Great stuff! "The Hypnotic Sponge" is from the compilation Woronzoid released in 1989 on vinyl.Tracklisting:
Side 1
1. Stop Smoking {10:33}
Side 2
1. How to Relax {9:42}Bonus Track
1. The Bizaardvarks - The Hypnotic Sponge {8:40}
Bill Gove - Time: Its New Dimensions
*special thanks to KL from NYC for this one
I've posted records by salesmen before. I have no doubt you already know that if you're a loyal visitor to this blog and paying attention or if you're a newbie and possess ESP powers. However, in over two years of this blog's existence, nothing by America's #1 salesman has ever been posted until today. That's right. I have the record by America's #1 salesman ready for you to listen to. I bet you that you woke up earlier in the day never guessing that you are about to listen to America's #1 salesman later in the day. Lucky you. It's almost as good as waking up on yet another ordinary day only to find out you won the lottery later in the day.
On this record is a recording of a speech given by the #1 salesman in America. From the title and cover, one would think that he talks about time which would be really cool especially if he talked about time travel and its possible effects on creating several alternate realities or something like that. That is not so. I think this record is about selling although it's sometimes hard to tell as he keeps cracking jokes.
A glance at the liner notes reveal what Bill Gove really means by the dimensions of time is:
We can't control the clock - but we can (if we want to) control the DIMENSIONS OF TIME: HABIT-ENERGY-ATTITUDE-and COMMUNICATIONS. Time is not a separate entity - it is merely an extension of habit - energy - attitude - and communications.
Um okay. If America's #1 salesman says so then so it is.
Tracklisting:
Side A
1. Time: Its New Dimensions {21:33}
Side B
1. Time: Its New Dimensions continued {22:40}
